Lock, Stock, and Two Film Geeks

Don't know what he's looking at...it's not the beach.

Last night, I watched one of the more depressing movies I’ve ever seen.  It was about this old guy who tells a story to a female resident of this nursing home.  He tells the story of a couple who had fallen in love, and there were some plot twists and things, and at the end…YOU REALIZE THAT THE MAN AND THE WOMAN WERE THE PEOPLE IN THE STORY BUT THEY JUST HAD ALZHEIMER’S.  Then they die, and there are swans flying as the credits roll.  The tears were just flying out of my eyes, it was terrible.

So anyways, I didn’t actually watch The Notebook, but my writing skills are just so good, that I totally had you going, didn’t I?  Hah!  The movie I actually watched last night was On the Beach, a 1959 film about the end of the civilized world.  It was directed by Stanley Kramer and starred Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, Anthony Perkins, and Fred Astaire.  Being born in good ol’ 1985, I have no idea who any of those people are, but apparently they’re some big movie stars?
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In an unfortunate summer that has yet to make a real impression on anyone, the lavish, designer label-laden Sex in the City 2 has garnered a bit of attention for being a critical and commercial failure.  Not only is it a terrible, but the content of the film has ruffled many a feather due to its obsession with fashion, wealth and its unabashed adherence to stereotypes long thought negative towards feminism.

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I don't get it.

Dear Diary:

Today, I finally decided to write the next column that I have been putting off for a few weeks.  Why?  Well, diary, it’s because when you write the same format for every movie all the time, sometimes you get bored.  Formulaic, if you will.  So, you have to spend a few weeks fighting crime in Thailand or meditating in Australia to get your creativity back.  Then, you sometimes have to get your passport and identification stolen, get accused of being an international crime lord, and finally have one or two of the cocaine balloons you’re currently smuggling inside your body burst and have to go through a crazy intense detox.

Whew, diary, that was refreshing.  Somewhat cathartic, too. Continue reading

"I guess I see myself as a kind of professional appreciator."

I love movies.  I love all types of art: literature, comics, music, photography, and painting.  I’m an appreciator of most creative endeavors, and my primary goal with this website, at least in the case of the films, is to share that love with other people.  You can think of this as the mission statement I never wrote when we started this website almost a year ago, but my real intention is to question the act and processes of criticism of the arts, and the way in which I’m contributing to it at the moment. Continue reading

Bad. Ass.

Thanks to all your love and support, my stalker has been put behind bars.  In an elaborate sting operation that involved me dressing as Dorothy from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and prancing around with a stuffed dog singing “Bad Romance” by Lady GaGa (yeah I didn’t understand that part either), the perpetrator was captured when he mistakenly fell into a hole covered in leaves.  Score one for the good guys.  Although, I guess they should change the title of the website to “One Film Geek.”

This week(end?) the movie on the chopping block is 1979’s Mad Max.  A staple of dystopian and post apocalyptic cinema, this movie hails from Australia and clocks in at ninety-five (95) minutes.  Although, really, since time and space are connected, we could measure this film in meters, light-minutes, or even parsecs. Continue reading

Iron Man 2 hit theaters just last Friday to favorable commercial and critical success.  In the film, Robert Downey Jr. and Mickey Rourke play enemies due to a generation-old betrayal, with one family being disgraced, and the other having acted disgracefully.                                                                        

Perhaps it was by mere coincidence that these individuals were cast as men who have, in one way or another, fallen from grace and must fight their way back to the top.  There aren’t many people like Mickey Rourke and Robert Downey Jr., who are as famous for their self-destruction as they are for their immense talent.

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Too Small, No Caption

So, last week, when I was leaving the FilmGeeks Offices – I could have sworn there was someone following me through the parking lot.  He/She was like 5’6” and kept making weird dinosaur noises.  That Jurassic Park article really put me on the map, and I think I may have a stalker.  If any of you are stalking me – please leave a comment at the bottom.  And I have pepper spray in my purse.

So, now that I’ve got that nonsense off my chest, I can tell you what I slaved over for the last few weeks.  Lost City, a (let me see if I’ve got this right) “Science Fiction adventure serial told in 12 amazing parts” from 1935 is my next gargantuan project on the chopping block.  And, man, this sucker looks like it’s going to take a few swings.  I also want to get in a little disclaimer: When I first heard the synopsis, I thought “Cool!  A lost city!”  What do I get?  The “city” is just  like four hallways and a supply closet.  Go figure. Continue reading

In 2009, Swedish film Let The Right One In opened in the U.S. and achieved a considerable amount of success critically, as well as commercially (as far as foreign films are concerned).  This year, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo conquered the literary world and made quite an impact on the big screen.  Needless to say, it’s been a very good few years for the Swedish film industry.

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God, even the poster for this turns me off

Woohoo I’m kind of back on a roll with the updates.  It was touch and go there for a while, but I think I’ve overcome my aversion to entertaining you and after weeks and weeks of therapy, I can go back to being funny on command for you.  Unfortunately, the movie I have to present to you today (tonight?  Who knows anymore) is neither entertaining, nor enjoyable.  I’ll do my best with the source material, but I’m pretty sure most of you will stop reading after this paragraph.

K-PAX, a 120 minute affront against the science fiction genre released in 2001, is a film about a man (Kevin Spacey) who goes by the name of Prot who believes that he’s an alien.  You know, from SPACE.  Jeff “Starman” Bridges, who is not an alien in this film, plays a psychiatrist or psychologist or something who has to deal with Prot and his incredible influence over the other inmates mental health patients.  Naturally, because of his advanced worldview, Prot is able to cure most of the other patients with his positive attitude and his dedication to an alien way of life. Continue reading

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

Let me set the scene for you.  It’s 1993.  I (your humble writer) am eight years old.  Up to this point in my life, there has been nothing but monster trucks and dinosaurs.  Every book I own is somehow related to dinosaurs.  Posters, toys, t-shirts – I’ve got it all.  And I think I’m set for life.  Yeah, I wanna be a paleontologist.  I’ve got a plan that takes me all the way through my life, working with these amazing creatures.

Then I see a little movie called Jurassic Park and my life changes forever.  Paleontologists…they spend all their time in the desert, searching and digging and basically doing the most boring job on the planet (disclaimer: this is not the most boring job on the planet).  They speculate as to what these creatures might have done, all from looking at the remains.  Naturally, my eight-year-old self realized that this wasn’t how I wanted to spend my life.  Jurassic Park showed me that I could write obnoxious film review columns on movies with dinosaurs in them. Continue reading