Lock, Stock, and Two Film Geeks

WTF, this isn't the nickelodeon show I googled.

Alright, you ungrateful swine.  Here I am on Christmas Eve – slaving away, all for you.  I hope you appreciate all my sacrifices for you.  Well, I’m going to be the winner this week.  THAT’S RIGHT, this week I break the mold and review something…wait for it…SOMETHING NEW.  What is it?  HAH I’ll never tell the likes of you!

So it’s Thursday, and I’ve already seen Avatar three times (research, you see).  A little excessive – possibly.  But how else can I discuss a 2 hour and 40 minute movie that’s being shown in three different formats?  Avatar has been released in regular format, 3D, and IMAX 3D.  Should I write this article in three different formats?  I THINK SO.

Continue reading

A Rousing Game of Hide and Seek

Well, faithful followers, another late night, another ON TIME column.  You better be glad I get paid the big bucks for this.  I’ve decided that I need a good name for my readers – kind of like how Marvel has their Zombies and DC has their Fanboys…what do you all want to be called?

Tonight I watched H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine starring some dudes from the sixties.  This 103 minute long adventure science-fiction film is one of the shining examples from that staple of sci-fi: Time Travel.  But more on that later – when we’ve had some…**ahem**…TIME to warm up.  You guys like puns right?  Is that even a pun?

Continue reading

STOP THAT ROBOT! HE'S STEALING A WOMAN

“Michael Rennie was ill, The Day the Earth Stood Still…”

Anyone know the reference?  It’s Rocky Horror Picture Show, you morons!  We’re never gonna get to regionals if you guys can’t even remember the basics!

I realize you may be a little confused as to what this week’s movie might be – so let me spell it out for you: it doesn’t star Keanu Reeves.  Or Jennifer Connelly.

Yes, friends this week, thanks to a Netflix shipping error (and some slight laziness/incompetence on my part) I was not able to watch the film I’m supposed to be reviewing for you.  Instead, here I am sitting in front of my laptop freezing to death while it rains outside trying to figure out a way to waste as many words as possible before you figure out I may or may not have anything particularly interesting to say this week.

Continue reading

James' Student Film "The Noose"

My dear, dear readers.  This week was a first for me.  I have to tell you…it was the first week I watched a movie specifically for this column.  I sacrificed so much…just for you.  I hope you appreciate it you ungrateful little brats.  27 hours of labor: for what?  NOTHING.  You don’t even call anymore.

Continuing my one-week theme of reviewing films starring Boris Karloff (also ending this week, incidentally) I picked the 1940 film Before I Hang.  If you’re wondering why I chose this particular movie for my first film of the forties – look no further: it was random.  That’s right, I closed my eyes and pointed at the huge list of sci-fi films I had laboriously made and left it up to Fate.

Continue reading

Sexy?

In more ways than one, the movie I review this week is particularly close to my heart.  HA tricked you!  Everyone knows I don’t have a heart.  Anyways, this week I examine the hilarious fish-out-of-water comedy Frankenstein, released in 1931.

In terms of length, which is very important to a high profile businessman such as myself, this is one of the shorter films I’ll be reviewing.  At 71 minutes, it’s half the time I spend on my hair in the morning.  Unlike the last two films, this one has both music AND spoken dialogue.  What a treat!

Frankenstein begins with a disclaimer that those of weak constitution should not watch further.  Obviously, this remark was directed at me, BUT I WENT AHEAD AND WATCHED ANYWAYS. Continue reading

Okay ladies, last week was just a 14 minute primer.  This is the real deal.  The true roots of AMERICAN science fiction.  None of that pansy French stuff I pawned off on you last week.  This week we examine Fritz Lang’s Metropolis.  This week – I start with the hard hitting questions and reviews.  Feature length film is where we get to the heart of sci-fi, the gritty core of human ideas and exploration of human condition.  This, children, is what the rest of my fabulous articles are going to be like.

…oh god has it been a thousand words yet? Continue reading

Alright guys: you ready for some SCIENCE?!  Well, here it is, the first of the first – my first real article on this website that isn’t just me spouting off about some nonsense in British.  A quick disclaimer though: there are no dinosaurs in this week’s article.  Not all science fiction is about dinosaurs, guys.

Everyone who’s anyone knows that the pioneer of Science Fiction film was Georges Méliès.  So this week I shall be reviewing A Trip to the Moon.  For all you who were in film classes and were shown this film – KEEP READING.  THERE ARE NO FREE PASSES HERE. Continue reading

The moderators at Two Film Geeks have foolishly given Fil his own space to talk about whatever his heart desires.  But what is the cost of so much freedom?  Fil asks you what you would choose if given a completely open forum to talk about whatever Fil wished.  ANSWER IN FIL’S COMMENT BOX.

Fil has decided to write about Science Fiction.  A glorious subject, to be certain.  But, where to go with this subject?  An exhaustive study of the history of Science Fiction?  Boring, to be sure.  An analysis of the genre’s impact on filmmaking?  BAH.  Should Fil just tell you what Fil thinks about Sci-Fi?  Do the masses care what Fil thinks?  OF COURSE THEY DO!  But this is not what Fil would like to write about. Continue reading