Apr 2 2010

Taking Stock: 4/2/2010

We enter another week of “Taking Stock,” our weekly column in which the entire staff tells you what they think of the movies coming out this week based on very little knowledge and first impressions.

Clash of the Titans

James: I’m hoping this is good, it looks like it could be a ton of fun and Louis Leterrier has a pretty good track record for exciting but mindless action films.  I’ve heard bad things about the 3D conversion though, so you might save your money on that.

Benn:  Liam Neeson as Zeus in enticing, and I like Sam Worthington, but this looks like a Greek bust.

Dylan: When I hear Liam Neeson say, “Release the Kraken!” I get this guilty, tingly feeling that knows this film will only stimulate the part of my brain that craves mindless action.

Fil: Fucking fuck yes fuck I will be fucking seeing this.  I don’t have any idea about whether it will be good or not.  From what I hear though, I’ll probably be seeing it in 2D.  I’ve been looking forward to this for a while.

Anna: Writing this a bit late, so I’ve already seen this. I really enjoyed it – very entertaining, especially CG-wise. Plus, some phenomenal imagination and portrayal of the gods and Mount Olympus. Definitely better than the 80’s version, if anyone’s seen that. But don’t look for the next Avatar or anything, despite Sam Worthington being in it.

The Last Song

James: Clearly this is not for me.  But it looks corny even by the genre’s standards.

Benn:  “Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn’t make you love them any less. Sometimes it makes you love them more.”  This is the mantra of absentee fathers and lovers alike.  I’m now awaiting a public apology from Nicholas Sparks for dumbing down his viewers, who don’t have much brain power to begin with.

Dylan: We should just nip this thing in the bud and just stop Nicholas Sparks from having his works adapted into screenplays. There’s nothing good about this movie, or its buck-toothed star.

Fil: Ugh.  Hannah Montana GTFO of my movie theater.

Anna: Never read or seen anything by Nicholas Sparks and this doesn’t make me wanna start now.

Why Did I Get Married Too?

James: Wait they make sequels to these things?

Benn:  Get it?  “TOO” is a homonym.  Seriously, Perry’s next film should be a documentary called, “Why Do People See My Films?”

Dylan: Tyler Perry is to film what Saddam Hussein is to responsible leadership.

Fil: No. no. no no no no nonononononononononononono.  I have seen exactly 1 Tyler Perry movie to date – AND I WAS FOOLED INTO IT.  DAMN YOU STAR TREK.

Anna: I’ve only ever seen part of a Tyler Perry movie. I don’t personally have anything against his movies, but I don’t have any inclination either.

Warlords [LA/NY]

James: I don’t watch a lot of martial arts movies.  Is this one good?  I don’t really care enough to try it in theaters.  If the buzz is good, this could be a rental.

Benn:  Anyone remember when Jet Li announced he was retiring from acting?

Dylan: … Oh sorry, I nodded of during the trailer. Did I miss anything interesting? I’m more excited for The Good, the Bad and the Weird for some strange reason.

Fil:  I’m always down for a good Kung Fu movie.  Count me in to rent this one (most likely)  I’ve heard good things, and the movie looks beautiful, I just kind of wish the trailer didn’t suck so much.

Anna: Jet Li…again? Looks good enough, but the subject doesn’t interest me.

Don McKay [LA/NY]

James: Looks… adequate.  It’s actually kindof up my alley genre wise and there’s actors to like here.  Just nothing blows me away.

Benn:  As much as I love Thomas Haden Church, this looks like a bland “thriller.”

Dylan: For a film that should have a lot of action, the trailer has no energy. Nothing about it looks terribly exciting or entertaining. Big ol’ pass on this one.

Fil: I’m not compelled to see this in the slightest.  I’ll likely forget about it in the next couple of minutes.

Anna: I think I’ve already seen the major romantic/adulterous thrillers, so I can pass on this one.

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