Apr 29 2010

Taking Stock: 4/30/2010

We enter another week of “Taking Stock,” our weekly column in which the entire staff tells you what they think of the movies coming out this week based on very little knowledge and first impressions.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

James: I’m taking this opportunity to watch the original instead.  I’m not one for horror really, but these glossy Michael Bay-produced remakes aren’t really the route I want to go if I’m craving a horror fix.  Nonetheless, if I had to pick one from Platinum Dunes, this one starring Jackie Earl Haley would be it.

Benn:  I always found Elm Street to be one of the best and more creative horror movies out there.  I’m wary of the Michael Bay-produced, CW-esque remakes, but Jackie Earl Haley is a great actor.  It might be worth it just to see him.

Dylan: There doesn’t seem to be anything different about this remake. Although of all the actors they could have chosen, they made the best possible choice with J.E.H. Sill going to skip it.

Fil:  I think the original is probably one of the best horror movies of all time.  This looks like nearly the same thing with elements of later films included to give more back story and shinier special effects.  I’ll probably Netflix this when it comes out, but I doubt I’ll see it in theatres.

Anna: I always loved the concept behind this movie, so I’m definitely interested. I’m looking forward to how they make the dream sequences in this remake, since the originals weren’t particularly scary to me.

Furry Vengeance

James: This is the kind of film you just have to look at and wonder how it got green-lit in the first place.  The trailers look absolutely horrendous.  My only explanation is that it’s just not for us, it’s for kids.  When are they going to realize you don’t have to make movies that are targeted only for kids, and that family movies can appeal to more than just the lowest common denominator.

Benn: F*ck you Brendan Fraser.

Dylan: Even if this is marketed for kids, do they think kids are retarded?

Fil:  This movie….I just have no idea what to say.  The poster looks like a bear is raping Brendan Fraser…so I guess that’s a plus?

Anna: Whatever happened to the good stuff, like The Mummy, Mr. Fraser? I think Wall-E did a much better job at making a point about our planet and economy.

Please Give

James: You know, this actually looks kind of cute, and I like the actors involved.  I guess this is my pick for the week, though I’d probably only see it in rental.

Benn:  It looks like it could be pretty charming and sharp.   Not to mention, I’ve always gotten a kick out of Oliver Platt.  I’m in.

Dylan: It’s like they’ve cracked the formula for the quirky movie trailer. Not interested.

Fil:  This movie looks uninteresting.  I’ve already forgotten it.

Anna: This looks funny and painful. I’d have to wait awhile to see another one of those.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) [limited]

James:  I’ve been told even those with a strong stomach have a hard time getting through just the trailer for this one.  As such, I refuse to watch even that preview.  I’m sure this is cool for a certain audience, though.

Benn:  The trailer almost made me throw up, so, pass.  Honestly, I think director Tom Six is just trying to one-up Eli Roth and the Saw gang in the “who make the grossest horror film” contest.

Dylan: All of a sudden Furry Vengeance looks really good. 

Fil:  I’m going to see the shit out of this at midnight with my friend.  There is no reason to watch it, it’s obviously the cheapest of gore disgusting shit film you could come up with.  But somehow I feel like there might be a badge of honor to earn for watching this.

Anna: This looks totally sick and fucked up. I’m in. But not for theaters.

One Response to “Taking Stock: 4/30/2010”

  • Mitzi Says:

    I’m disappointed that Furry Vengeance has nothing to do with furries. Unless Brendan Fraser is secretly one and that’s why he agreed to do this. Do you think you’re a bear, Brendan?

    I kind of wanted to see Human Centipede for laughs, but then I watched the clip where the crazy guy explains his plan (with an overhead projector!) and… yeah, no. Once you get to cutting off lips and knee ligaments just to sew people to buttholes, I’m out!

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